Steve Johnson
Tribune reporter
August 29, 2009

The old Chicago post office looming over the Eisenhower Expressway has a mystery buyer, someone willing to put up $40 million but not reveal his or her identity or plans.

Some potential candidates and the odds that they were the one:

FedEx: It might actually use the building (close to transportation!), but mostly it would buy it to celebrate the triumph of private enterprise (them) over government-managed bureaucracy (USPS).
Odds: 1 in 5

One CO Place: A residential real-estate partnership would build 400 luxury condos, each with its own post-office box. Those aren't exhaust fumes you're smelling. It's "evocative urban air."
Odds: 2 in 5.

Chicago 2016: Taking advantage of the capacious interior, the city would make it the venue for Olympic events including weightlifting and shotput (after first reinforcing the floor).
Odds: 2 in 7.

Michael Jackson and Bubbles Museum Inc.: Could it be that private investors inspired by the friendship between the recently deceased pop star and his one-time pet chimp have pooled their funds to construct a fitting memorial to the relationship? Probably not.
Odds: 1 in 500.

Willis Group Holdings Inc.: The London insurance broker would actually just buy one condo in the remodeled building but insist the whole thing be named after it.
Odds: 1 in 25.

Vehicle Toppers: This new venture, entirely speculative, would cut holes in the building's floor to facilitate the promulgation of its Big Idea: Involuntary car-roof advertising (motto: "Not as annoying as pop-up ads") placed by highly trained "promotional hurlers."
Odds: Higher than you might think.

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